Ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to get your emotions and your brain to work together properly? Your fingers feel like they're typing just fine,only the wrong letters keep appearing and you're just a bit off? Or the stupid 'U' doesn't work and you don't notice until the end of the 2000 words you've typed? The oven is burning everything for some unknown reason, you're mad at the kids or your husband and there's not really a good reason, you're just feeling overwhelmed and there's still a mountain of dishes and laundry and that service project you promised to help out with?
Well, Take A Deep Breath...and let it out again before you turn blue :)
We all have those days but for some they are more frequent. New moms, parents, wives, bsiness people, infact pretty much everyone in this hectic modern world we live in; we're all prone to the busyness of life that leaves us with not enough time in the day to recharge our batteries, let alone have some life altering positive experience. Some day's I'd kill for just an hour to myself without kids knocking on the door to ask what I'm doing or would I fix their broken stuff. But alas, on the days I'm most frazzled and at my wits end, I'm often swamped with expectations of things I want to get done.
So this year I decided to try and NOT take out my frustration by getting all uppity with the kids who are often the cause of my grief. Yeah yeah, I know...it's not always 100% effective, but I'm not beating myself up about it for 3 reasons.
1. I'm getting better. That out of body experience you have when you're getting mad and yelling at people and that little you inside your head says 'what are you doing? Just be nicer, you don't mean what you're saying' doesn't happen to me much anymore. So that's good.
2. Frozen pizza is a perfectly acceptable alternative to cooking a meal if you're at the point of tears or a nervous breakdown. Heck, I've been known to tell them just to eat cereal, I know, I'm a terrible mother.
3. Sometimes the kids really deserve it. Why not show your frustration and disappointment to the kids? If they're being numbskulls they should learn that their actions have consequences that affect the whole family. What's that old saying? 'When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.'
I try really hard to not lose my temper though. There's a fine line between being honest and frustrated with your kids and becoming verbally abusive. That's a line I never want to cross. And on the other end of the scale, I'll never treat my children like emotionally fragile can't do anything wrong little dolls, because that doesn't help them in the real world where there are expectations and consequences. Sorry, no spoiled brats in our house, I don't have the emotional energy.
In the real world there aren't any ribbons just because you participate, there are rewards for performance. That doesn't mean you have to be the best at everything. Performance can be things like honesty, integrity, dependability, good skills, hard work, creativity..the list goes on. I think that instead of coddling children we need to give them unconditional love with realistic expectations. I know this won't sit well with some of you...and that's fine. We raise our children using our own personal values and they're different, and that's ok. We instill in them the ideas that we think will benefit them in their lives and then they go and make their own decisions anyways. Darn teenagers. But we can still try, right?
On those days when all 4 kids seem to be sharing one brain I just take a deep breath and think 'just wait till you have your own kids'. Our mothers have wished it upon us and so we are just carrying on the tradition to wish this for our children too. Maybe that's what's meant in the scriptures by 'the hearts of the children will turn to their fathers...', maybe? No?
I hope you know that no matter where you are or how bad your day is, there's always someone who loves and cares about you. And if you need to vent feel free to send me an e-mail. Sometimes just getting it off your chest can be very therapeutic. Even just writing it down helps you to get things into perspective. Hey, whatever it takes, do it. And don't end up like me...
Just give me a hug and feed me chocolate and all will be right with the world in a little while.
And Thanks C. for inspiring the blog entry for today, you're a good friend and I luv ya!
What a lovely post. I needed to hear that frozen pizza is okay sometimes, since I'm already feeling swamped and my 11 year old son will join me in a different country in 2 months time. I've been wondering how I'm going to cope with the extra responsibility.
ReplyDeleteAll normal parents have these days and if you're having any major changes in your life then they're more common I think. So here are some suggestions:
ReplyDelete1. Pick your battles. You can't win everything and it's not worth trying. But do set boundaries.
2. 11 year olds are perfectly capable of making their own snacks. Sandwiches and cereal are not complicated. And every 11 year old I know can easily use a microwave to nuke a pizza pocket or some other equally unhealthy food.
3. Find an activity to do together that you both really like. Even if it's just going out for icecream or the movies. Something physical would be better, but anything that gives you one on one time away from home is good.
4. Just do your best. And if you screw up, apologize and try do be better tomorrow. It's a lifelong process as you know, and none of us are perfect. Just hang in there and when your child is 40 they'll realize what a wonderful parent you are. At lease that's what I hear :)