Advice for Teenagers and their Parents

This was advice given to youth by a Judge in 1959. Yes, for many of us that's our parents and grandparents generation. But I would say that it still holds true today.

As a parent of teenagers, I can see that there are some things generally lacking in todays youth and they are:

*time spent with family, especially around the dinner table.
*time spent working or volunteering (lots of teens lack any work ethic at all).
*wholesome recreational activities and by that I mean what we used to call 'good clean fun'.

Now don't misunderstand, I'm not calling my kids or all kids lazy or super hard working either. They all have their moments. I'm just making some very broad generalizations about youth in general who have grown up with the internet and being connected for most of the hours of the day. They can text during school, snapchat during dinner, and be playing farmville and minecraft until they fall asleep. All the while avoiding a lot of face to face conversation with people as well as chores and reading/studying. And we adults often cater to this. Is it any wonder that they all go nuts when the power goes out because their devices might actually lose battery power soon? It's actually laughable to see the panic in their eyes. And by pandering to them I think that we've made the transition from student to adult worker harder than it needed to be. They haven't been broken in gently or had time to make mistakes. Most of us have worked a minimum wage job at some time that we hated and we had to learn to find another job, quit or get fired. So many young people today aren't even getting their first job until after college in their 20's and haven't made all the 'learning to get along with co-workers' mistakes that us older folks made when still in our teens. And chores seem to be a thing of the past too. When we lived in Greenwood we lived in a sub-division filled with families. And out of all my children's friends I think our kids were some of the only ones who actually worked for their allowance. There were some 10 year old's who receive $30 per week in allowance and do nothing for it while my kids slaved away for a few dollars per week. I know, I'm such an evil mother. But I'm glad that they've learned the value of a dollar.

Is it any wonder things in society are mixed up? Youth aren't learning the lessons they need to while still young, and yet at the same time children 10 years old are exposed to the internet and cable television unsupervised for 8 or more hours per day, more time than is spent in school and with their family combined in a huge number of cases. Who do you want shaping and teaching your children's minds? Yourself or the entertainment industry? We all say that children are growing up so fast these days but they're not getting a well rounded growing up experience at all unless they learn how to work for things, how to save and budget and how to get along with others.

And that's why I pledge the following:

*I will reduce the amount of time my children spend on the computer and watching tv
*We will eat more meals together at the table
*I will make volunteer work a regular activity and fun at the same time
*I will set an example by working harder myself and not complaining
*I will get to know my teens better
*I will provide more family time and activities
*We will set aside one evening a week to do something together

And I invite you to look at your teens and think about ways you can help them grow into responsible adults too. It's the best way we can help our planet and invest in our future.

Poor and Homeless in America - Did we create this problem?

Really, this covers people in many parts of the world. Europe, Asia, Africa, the Pacific...homeless or extremely poor people are everywhere. Here's an interesting report to view from the BBC if you've got a half hour. But it does show a political bias and seems to blame the bad things that are happening on a lack of welfare programs and employment. And while I whole heartedly agree that the imbalance of wealth is causing some real suffering, I also believe that the education and daily living skills we give our kids, that ability to make do and make the best of a situation, the desire to work for the basics, these are the foundations of a community that can weather storms be they economical or physical. Increasing resilience is important in this next generation of spoiled and coddled children who can barely hold down a 1-5 job at the grocery store because it might interfere with their 'personal life'.

Now I'm not saying that all poor people are lazy. But some families and communities definitely have an accepted idea that it's ok to not work year round or to just not work at all and live on welfare. This kind of culture is evident in many places. And it's this lack of expectation for something better that leaves people trapped in a mindset that poverty is someone else's fault. It's such a complex problem and there really are no magic pills or easy fixes. It's going to take years to educate people so that they want to move forward and so that the work and skills they'll need are there for them.

That's part of the reason that I'm so much into self-sufficiency. If communities can form around the basic idea that we all work together and we share the skills we have for the benefit of the community, then that's great. I'm not talking about communism where we are all equal; Communism does not work. I'm thinking about a community where we all do our own thing and are largely self-sufficient but where we trade and barter too. Those who work hardest and have better skills will do better but those who are less skilled. Sure they won't have all the luxuries but at least it will be a decent life and everyone can reap the fruits of their own labours. The sick are taken care of, children are taught to work and are treasured, the elderly are valued for their wisdom. We all look out for each other. Sigh. This can only happen if we are willing to accept that we are not all equal but that we have a common goal. It's how villages work, and what's the world really but a collection of villages all linked together.

If I had my way, I'd find some like minded people and buy a piece of land (I found a great piece near here that's almost a hundred acres for $45,000) for us to live and farm on. We'd legally divide it up and build our own homes and farms. I'd have some say in who my neighbours are and I wouldn't have to worry about people stealing my firewood or letting out the goats because they would understand and respect our farming philosophies. We'd all have our own homes and farms but maybe we'd trade my honey for your eggs. If this sounds interesting to you...let me know! 2 more families would be really welcome and I can send you pics of the land. :)

But since that seems unlikely to happen right now, we just focus on teaching our children the practical skills that many have forgotten. No teenager wants to be learning how to grow and cook beans when he could be out with his buddies, but we really hope that in the future it will turn out to be useful information and that by building both character and work ethic we have children who are happy and successful adults no matter what they decide to do with their lives. Maybe if some of the people featured in this video had a garden or some food stored away, they could have weathered the tough economic times better or at least bought themselves some time to figure out what to do. Maybe they would realize that food in the cupboard is more important than payments on a new car or computer. Maybe they'd remember that times have been tough before (think great depression in the 30's) and people had sayings they lived by like this one:

Fix it up, wear it out, make do or do without.

Becoming More Creative and Finding Happiness

I like the movie 'Dune' and watched it again this past week. I've seen it so many times before that I can put it on for background noise while I'm working on something else and just listen to it. It's not as good at expanding the imagination as listening to a book on tape or a radio play, but it works ok. Anyways, back on the subject of the movie...there is a line I really like and it says this...

"I'll miss the Sea. But a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing them to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."

I know that new experiences change our perspective and our empathy for others. It's is right that we keep expanding our horizons and do not become narrowly focused on our own sphere of influence. There are so many opportunities for joy out there if we only stretch ourselves a little. We can discover more about ourselves and our strengths and talents. For me though, I get a bit nervous doing new things sometimes so I'm taking along Stephen on this trip for a measure of comfort. Having a friend is wonderful. Just ask Deanna, she was with me when I first met Stephen for a date, but that's another story.

I just had an epiphany! I'm speaking in Church on the 10th, and this is what I'll talk about...embracing new experiences while remaining true to yourself and your core beliefs.

We've has some comments and queries about why we are doing this "crazy" move of ours and don't we know that we'll be miserable in Nova Scotia. I want you to know that we've considered the options available to us and the best interests of our children. We've prayed about it. And we know that we're meant to go. This move will serve a couple of different purposes, not the least of which is to give our kids some new opportunities and experiences.

We have always accepted the differences in our children but it's a lot harder to plan for their futures in a changing world. We no longer live in a world where you do well in school, go to University, get a job, work there for 40 years and retire with a good pension. People change jobs and careers more frequently than ever. Economies around the world are collapsing and changing. Meeting our obligations to provide food and shelter can take away from other things like leisure and entertainment. Many people are really struggling and of course they have to provide food above all else. That doesn't leave a lot of time for the pursuit of happiness, does it? In the US Declaration of Independence the founding fathers, reflecting the thoughts of many of their contemporaries, wrote this:

We hold these truths to be self–evident,
That all men are created equal,
That they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights,
That among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–

Doesn't that mean that the pursuit of happiness is accepted as a basic human right? How do we then prepare our children for the uncertainties of life while at the same time respecting their differences, interests and talents? How do we teach them the balance needed for a happy life between work and play? I guess when it comes down to it they are going to have to figure that our for themselves but we as parents can help guide them in the following ways:
-teach them that it's good to be happy and find happiness yourself so that you set an example by your own life.
-teach them morals and values
-the difference between real happiness and temporary satiation
-to respect themselves and do their best
-to be kind to others
-the satisfaction that comes from a job well done.
-problem solving skills
-to love reading and learning
I'm sure I could go on and on but you get the point.

We're biased of course. We have a blend of highly intellectual, creative, lazy, hardworking, fun, serious and curious characteristics in our children. Chris is the perfect example of what society wants in a child, hardworking, studious, intelligent. Whereas Kate is creative, overly sensitive, has a hard time being understood due to her speech impediment but happy. They're very different and so we are blessed to have a home, church and school system that makes adjustments where needed to provide them both with opportunities that cater to what they need to grow. And they are happy.

Here's a video that I like. I hope you'll enjoy it and find it thought provoking. Not just the ADHD argument but the ability of children to creatively think and problem solve. It's not learning to be more creative, it's about not losing what we already had back when we were playing in the dirt with sticks, string and marbles.